Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
