Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
