You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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