Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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