my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
