oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
