Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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