Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
