We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
