i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
