woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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