I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
