Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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