dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
