I wish I could teleport
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
