I wish you could order shots online.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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