Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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