It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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