Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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