I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
