We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
