Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
