I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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