so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
