Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
