Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found the puke drawer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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