saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you would pick up someone in the library
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
