we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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