Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My balls are so social today.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
