There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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