I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
