Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
