Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
