we're chasing vodka with high fives
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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