I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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