i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
