if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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