How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
