My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
