I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Less talking, more tequila
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
