There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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