i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
