Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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