He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
