absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
