filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
