I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
