took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
