And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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