meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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