dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
